*sigh*

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 18 April 2007 23:53:01

WARNING - SELF-PITYING POST ON ITS WAY!

After having a great weekend I have kind of crashed back down to earth in quite a major way.

On Monday evening my sister came to stay with me and told me that her boyfriend of a few months is moving to the island that we grew up on. My sister went through a pretty unpleasant divorce last year and I am pleased that she has met someone who isn't a prick. However, not only is her boyfriend moving to the island, he is moving in with my parents until his housing licence gets sorted out.

Here's where the problem starts. I already feel that I have become the gooseberry, the added extra, the plus one, the outsider (you get the picture). I am struggling so much with being on my own and feeling as though this is something that I am to blame for. My obsession with my weight feels as though it is slowly creeping back in and I unreasonably convince myself that the reason I am single is because I have an arse larger than a size 0.

In the past I have gone back to the island for a couple of weeks in the summer, but I am not sure that I can face going to stay with Mum and Dad if he is living there. I feel as though I will be putting myself into a situation which will be unbearably painful and like rubbing salt into the wound. My resentment towards my lovely sister is growing as I have to watch her have another crack at the relationship whip whilst I edge my way to the back of the shelf. Life seems unbelievably unfair sometimes, especially when there is nothing I can do to change it.