What's the point?

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 07 May 2007 17:29:12

Having had a good weekend I have come crashing back down to earth with just one phone call. My younger cousin phoned me to tell me that he is getting married in September. I didn't even know that he had a girlfriend.

Once again I start questioning what is the purpose of my life. I mean how do you deal with life when a large proportion of it is a huge disappointment and it just hasn't worked out the way you thought it would? I mean, I (unrealistically) thought I would be married in my early twenties and have kids by the time I was 28 but I find myself at 31, single and feeling very alone. I have achieved loads in my professional life and I have worked my arse off for that, but I feel as though there is a huge chunk missing.

I feel like a right cow because every time someone (especially family members) tell me they are getting married or are pregnant I don't feel joy I just feel “why not me”. I hate feeling like this. I loathe myself, the way I feel, who have become and where I am going and right now if someone gave me a way out I would take it.