The road is long

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 11 June 2007 20:51:05

As some people who read this blog will know my recent journey with the church has been rather bumpy and it would seem that journey is set to run and run. I have been going to a Vineyard church and it truly is an amazing place. They have an awesome building which they use for all sorts of different things, other than just church, and they are developing it further to support all the work that goes on. They run three different services, all of which have their own distinct style and cater to a different congregation. They preach the same message at both of the morning services, but cleverly they tailor it to ensure that the style of delivery is as appropriate for the congregation as possible. They do loads of different social action projects and are about to launch an amazing ministry for the children which will be based upon the giftings of a variety of church members.

So far so good BUT there is one thing that really, really gets on my nerves. that is the worship. Now don't get me wrong over the years worship has been more important to my church life than almost anything else. I have sung and played in worship groups and led worship, but now I find myself increasingly dissatisfied, and at times distracted by worship. Sometimes it feels all a bit self-obsessed and shallow. Over the years I have attended loads of different large conferences such as Stoneleigh. I loved them and they were the highlight of my year. The passionate worship and the sense of excitement which was evident at these gatherings really inspired me to love God more and to really get on with doing the things he called me to. Worship at Vineyard is always slick. The music groups are fantastic and polished and musically they are awesome, but at times (not all the time) there seems to be something missing for me. I

Maybe I have just moved on. The first year I ever went to Greenbelt I was having a really tough spiritual time. I had left the church I was at about 10 months before and went I went to GB I felt as though I had been dumped in a field and God said... “Right, I am here... just look for me. Look in the eyes of all the different people you will meet. Listen to the music... both the overtly religious stuff, but also in the more secular songs. Listen to the talks and hear my voice. Drink tea and wine with the people who have given you permission to discover who you really are. .... Just spend time with me. Without the emotion. Without the hype. Without other people carrying you along on a tidal wave of emotion. Look for me and you will find me”.

I feel more objective about things these days and I am less willing to go along with things just because everyone else is expecting me to. The hard bit is that this journey can feel like the loneliest place on earth.