Bollocks to it all...

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 19 June 2007 22:59:58

I have had the shittiest day of all shitty days. The child protection conference that I have been dreading went OK, but more information that was disclosed later means the whole thing is going to get a great deal messier.

Anyway, my younger sister phoned me tonight to tell me that she has got engaged again. She has already been married once and has been divorced for less than a year. The bloke she has met is lovely I can't deny that but I am really, really struggling with the fact that she is going to get married again. I have been dreading this announcement for ages as it just makes me realise that I just don't match up. I am sure that I will get some smart-arse commenting on this blog that I need to stop being so self-centered and to get over myself and to be honest I would utterly agree with that but that doesn't deny the fact that I am really hurting. I thought I would find someone and get married in my twenties, have kids etc. but now I find myself in my early thirties, still single and surrounded by people who are getting married. I am sick to death of hearing about fucking weddings and about dresses, cakes, who to invite and who not to invite, wedding lists, bridesmaids dresses etc etc.

My younger sister is fitter than me, gorgeous, slim, has a great job and now she has the opportunity to settle down - for the second time. I am none of those things and I hate the fact that I feel resentful of my darling sister who I love very much. It makes me obsess about my weight (how much weight do you need to lose before someone will think you are attractive?!!!), it makes me feel like I am incomplete and I am not sure that I can face having to attend another of her weddings. I will be surrounded by family members saying 'oh well it could be you next time'... yeah they said that last time she got married too.

Why does it always feel as though God gives good things to other people?