Specialists and waiting
Categories: uncategorized
Date: 23 September 2011 10:52:19
I received a letter from the fertility specialists yesterday. Our GP made the referral about 10 days ago and told us that he expected that we would have an initial appointment within a month. The letter from the specialist said that the wait for a first appointment is expected to be 4-5 months. I am absolutely gutted. We have already been trying to conceive for a year, and a wait of 5 months would take that up to 18 month in total. Then if we have to wait for treatment we could easily be looking at 2 years at least.
I so hoped that we would be able to get in for further tests to see what is wrong. Now I just feel despondent. I feel as though we are never going to have a baby of our own and this is, at time, an overwhelming feeling. Monthly disappointment is such a hard thing to deal with, you just get your head around the failure for that month before you have to get on with trying the next month. It is an emotional rollercoaster.
Being home, however, is proving to be both a good thing and a bad thing. Our nephew and niece, Barnabas and Eden, are spending more and more time with us. We are seen as convenient babysitters it would seem (not that I mind of course!) It doesn't make the absence of our own child any easier though and, in particular, when I hold Eden I feel an enormous sense of loss. In my head I feel very pessimistic about the future. If I try to be optimistic I know I'll be faced with massive disappointment when things don't work out. That's quite hard at times.
