Categories: uncategorized
Date: 24 December 2007 20:47:55
Christmas time should be a season of joy and goodwill. When all around you are smiling like cheesy nutters it is hard when you feel totally different on the inside.
I have been looking forward to coming home in some ways as I have been absolutely knackered and in desperate need of a rest. On the other hand, I have been dreading it more than ever before. Christmas is one of the times when I feel like an enormous failure, like my achievements mean nothing and that I don't quite fit in. I am surrounded by happy couples with their children, and yet I feel like an outsider. This Christmas is especially hard as my sister's fiancee is living with my parents (where I am staying) until they get married and I am constantly reminded of the fact that I am still single and alone. Instead of feeling loved and accepted at Christmas I feel the opposite. Instead of seeing the good things in life, I see the bad, negative and sad things.
Later on tonight I will go off to Midnight Mass on my own as none of my family want to come and hope that somehow I will feel hope and joy of the nativity seeping into my heart.