Categories: uncategorized
Date: 11 December 2006 21:57:33
Well I'm not sure whether I really want/ought to blog about this but I think I am going to. I'm feeling pretty traumatised and it's hard for me to settle down and go to bed which is what I need to do because I'm very tired.
I was in a very difficult situation today - I don't really want to go into details but it's the kind of situation that would have been tricky for anyone to handle. On top of that it has really tapped into difficult stuff from my past (that I was only talking about in counselling this morning so it's all particularly raw anyway!)! So now - even though I've talked to several trusted people about what happened and know intellectually that a) I handled the situation well and b) the issue in question is going to be dealt with by other people so I shouldn't really have to get involved with it, I'm still feeling terrible. I feel anxious and guilty and stressed and have that awful jarred feeling you get when it seems like things are very upsetting and wrong! The anxiety and guilt are because it has tapped into stuff from the past where I was manipulated into doing/being what I wasn't or didn't want to be. Today I've stood up against being manipulated and people whom I've spoken to about it say it was a perfectly reasonable thing to do but I can't just throw off the guilty fearful feelings! I feel lousy and have got a week where I need to get a lot done so I can't afford to be too knocked back by this.
I guess I'm wanting whatever support/prayers/encouragement you guys feel able and willing to give!